I don’t know how I can make things better. I don’t know how I can move forward. I really want to.
I know I don’t want to die. My family need me and I love them.
I can’t bear living as a man any longer I’m so tired and sick of having to do it every day. The anxiety and stress I am feeling overwhelms me at times. I long for a day when I don’t have to pretend anymore, when I can just be myself.
But how can I impose my transition on my family. I love them so much.
I love my wife and I want us to stay together. We truly are best friends, soul mates. We have been together 17 years and she still sends me “I luv u” texts almost every day”.
I want her to know me, the real me and that’s what would change, the person she thought I was. I feel no strong desire to present as female at the moment which I hope would take the pressure of a little.
But I know in my heart that transition is the only way forward for me. I have always known that even though I have often rejected it and run away from it.