I have finally told someone in my life that I am transgender. I regretted it almost immediately but it’s done now. What was I thinking?
J has been a good friend, ever since college. She’s an amazing person and can literally do anything she decides to do. Nothing gets in her way and she never seems to have self doubt. I love her confidence and her sense of fun.
We meet up a few times a year, usually in London but we keep in touch online. I thought the time had come to tell someone I trust about the real me.
Last week we met up, had lunch, went for a walk, got coffee, sat on a secluded bench/wall and that’s the moment I chose to tell someone real and important in my life about who I am. The abridged version.
Her reaction was nothing like what I expected. It wasn’t a huge surprise, she wasn’t upset that I hadn’t confided in her sooner. She was really kind though and was sad that I had gone through this on my own without seeking support.
When she asked what I was going to do next I was a little embarrassed to have to say “nothing”.
When we carried on walking, it was as if our conversation had never happened.
I wish I hadn’t said anything now because someone else knows without that really helping my situation.
I think I thought telling J might create some momentum. Maybe I thought she would push me into taking the next step. The reality is a wise person, and a good friend knows when not to push.
In the end, the truth is always true. You have to change your own life.