I don’t choose to feel the way I do, to be the person I am. My gender dysphoria has always been there. This conflict, this pain, this sorrow has always been with me and remains with me every day from my first waking moments to my last thoughts at night.

I wish I could overcome, be free of it but sadly I never have and I fear now I never will.

I grew up at a time when bigotry and hatred of people like me was the common attitude in society. It was normal to deride, make fun of and exclude us. It was acceptable to lie about us and label us deviant or criminal. But slowly, over time, increasing numbers of good, kind compassionate people have taken the time to understand. There is still a long way to go.

For most people, their gender identity and their physical gender match and they never give it a second thought. But when that doesn’t happen, when a disconnect occurs it can and does devastate your life. I don’t know why it happens but I can tell you it does.

For those of us that feel this pain and suffer the consequences of this dysphoria we strive for the rest of our lives to overcome it and find peace.

We are not perverts or deviants. We are not trying to enter changing rooms or rest rooms for cheap thrills. We don’t seek access to women’s spaces in the hope of easy access to a sexual thrill. These are just the hate filled exclusionary arguments of bigots with wider agendas. Just as with the homophobic bigots, they will find themselves judged on the wrong side of history.

We, just want to live peaceful quiet, unnoticed, unremarkable lives. We don’t seek to harm others or cause distress.

We strive to live a life that feels true to us, to live in peace and in harmony with ourselves and the world. To be allowed to live in peace as who we truly are. To be accepted.

Only when society stops tolerating the bigoted anti transgender lobbies can our vulnerable and marginalised brothers and sisters hope to achieve acceptance.

Written by Beth

Behind a calm and friendly exterior I try every day to deal with a gender dysphoria I have had since I was four years old. I have never really known how to deal with it so kept it to myself for a long time. Recently I have been seeing a gender therapist who has helped a lot. This blog helps me express myself to the world. I realise very few will read it but I hope if you do it has some value and interest to you. Always happy to talk, help and make new friends. If there are any topics you want me to write about please let me know.

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