Where has my dysphoria gone?

I don’t know what has happened to my dysphoria over the past three months. It seems to have just disappeared without a trace. Never in my life before have I felt so free from the awful anxiety and pain it causes.

It must have something to do with lockdown but I can’t even begin to comprehend what that might be.

I still feel the same way about my gender. I still want to fully transition more than anything in the world. I am just not feeling the huge weight of anxiety and pain upon me.

I’m not complaining. I am grateful for my health and that my loved ones have so far been spared. I know so many people have lost those they love. My thoughts and love are with them.

I think it’s probably beyond my pay grade to understand this. I know I’m not “cured”. I just feel a lot better at the moment.

I have to admit I have been wondering what it might mean if I continue to feel this way. Without the pain and anxiety life seems tolerable even good going forward. I can probably bear this life.

But it’s just going to be a temporary lull. I’m sure I must have had this before maybe for less time?

Life is strange and convoluted. Never dull. I live in hope.

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