Category Archives: acceptance

I saw her standing there

I was chatting with a friend online recently. She was telling me about the moment she looked in the mirror and accepted herself as a woman for the first time.

She had been dressing for a long time but this was the moment she looked in the mirror in that casual way we all do but instead of just seeing herself in women’s clothes, now, for the first time, she saw herself as the person, the woman she was to be for the rest of her life. It was the pivotal moment in her transition and she never looked back from it.

Having now read a little more about this, I now understand it’s quite a common moment in transition and by no means unique to her.

Many of us spend years dealing with doubt and skepticism. Self acceptance can be the most difficult obstacle. But this sounds like a wonderful moment to experience and it gives me hope. I would love to, one day, look in the mirror and see her (me) standing there.

If you, as I do, feel stuck, in the closet, unable to be the person you feel yourself to be, reaching this goal, this moment can seem like climbing Everest. We hide so much of our true selves scared of discovery and the outside world. Terrified what the consequences might be.

But if you can find the courage, if you can summon the words then you owe it to yourself to take the next step.

Not asking much

I often wonder why some feel so threatened by transgender people. They seem to set themselves up as biological purists, as chromosomal absolutists. Unless your DNA, biochemistry and lived experience matches their standards then you don’t qualify for their classification. You will never belong and that’s final.

We all present an image to the world and that image to some extent affects the way society perceives us, treats us and reacts to our presence.

Present a masculine image and people will give you space and will be more cautious in their approach and interaction. A feminine image will usually appear as more approachable and less threatening.

Your phenotype, which is the visible form you actually present, is not necessarily the same as your genotype which is the form your genetics encodes you to present.

If we choose to suppress the Y chromosome or artificially express it we alter the image we present to the world. And we do it so that we can interact with the world and be at peace with ourselves.

Your biological sex doesn’t necessarily determine which image you present. You decide that.

At no point do the face to face interactions we have with others involve a chromosomal or biochemical test of our biological gender. And so what we present and perceive is all that matters.

As transgender people we feel uncomfortable presenting our raw genotype and in common with many other species in nature we present a different shell.

Some transgender people are able to present a phenotype entirely indistinguishable from their desired genotype. Genetic males present as beautiful women and genetic females as handsome men.

If your goal is to create an exclusionary environment/space then you will have to police it on phenotype alone. That’s because you won’t have access to genetic testing which means you can never truly guarantee the integrity of your exclusionary space.

Transphobics and TERFS can therefore never hope to achieve their stated aims. Unless those they seek to exclude don’t pass easily or convincingly. They will be their targets, their prey.

Transphobics and TERFS only seek to exclude. Their motives are based purely on hate, bigotry and prejudice.

I take comfort in knowing that history will view them as the bigots they are. I am also certain, when the time comes, they will deny ever promoting their vile prejudice.

My true heroes

My heroes aren’t sports stars or actors, I respect, admire and am grateful to our military. But my lifelong heroes are and will always simply be all of you.

Over the years it is transgender men and women like you who have given me hope. Your stories of transition, your determination to overcome problems, your fight, has made me feel that I at least could have a chance.

Through everything you have endured, through documenting your stories, your struggles to a skeptical world you have helped us all become increasingly accepted in many more spheres of life. And although there are still many bigots, there are many more supporters too.

I don’t know where you have found your strength, your courage, your commitment. But just knowing you are there, just knowing what you can achieve is enough for me to get through a day.

I may feel tearful as I write this but I know one day it will all be OK. We just need to keep getting up in the morning, put one foot in front of the other and face every new day.

Be free, be happy, be loved but most of all … be you.

xxx

My name is Beth

Hi. My name is Beth and I am a transgender woman. I didn’t choose to be transgender, I was born this way. I have lived my life so far pretending to be someone I’m not. I have always tried to be a good person but have never once felt comfortable as the man I appeared to be. My life has at times been very difficult to cope with and I have wanted it to end on a number of occasions.

With the help of my therapist and many amazing trans men and women online I now accept and am proud of who I am and I no longer hate myself for being transgender.

I long to free myself of my male life. I need to become the person I am inside. I need to begin my transition.

But where to start … ?